Welcome to chapter 2 of my blog "Chris Mayo's Personal Space" basically a rant in a box, thanks for all the comments and views and whatnot from the last one, good to know i'm not spewing out all this cyber bile to one man and his "lucky sock" (though if you are reading this, do keep it up, so to speak).
It's been a few weeks since I last typed away here and i'm starting to feel a little more my normal self (whatever or whoever that may be), still obsessing about my health, but just the three hospital trips this week. It is amazing how powerful the mind can be, even one as scatty and pessimistic as mine. Apparently optimists live longer (ha, yeah right), so I should probably get to thinking positive...
This blog is going to be about the little things, the little things that make me smile, the little things that wind me up (of which you may have already ascertained there are many) and the little things that make life that much more do-able. I'd be interested to hear yours, whatever they may be, so feel free to message me, or comment (this is imported to Facebook too for those of you who can't be arsed with the whole blog registering nonsense).
So, happiness, I guess is what we all strive for, and what I should focus on today, we all have our own views, our own opinions, we all make our own decisions and we all run our own course through life, dodging the shit that is flung at us and clutching onto the positive particles that we need to survive. I guess when we get to be 70, 80 or 90 years old and we look back on our life, each and everyone of us would be able to say that at some point or another, whether we realised it or not, we were happy. Whether it was getting sweets from Nan that Mum said we weren't allowed to have, cycling through the park on a summers day, our first kiss, our first fuck, our first pack of football stickers, our last cigarette, the way our mum used to smile at us and make everything feel better, the way we would stay up until 4am talking online to our best friend even though we had to be up at 6, the nights out that we never forget, our wedding day, our first child, our first home, and that impressive DIY shelf that we put up all by ourselves. Whatever it may be, those moments of happiness we often discard as a given, a moment, a brief memory or event, but it is those which we live for and for which we should be eternally grateful.
Of course it can be the little things that make us angry too. I was on a bus recently, as I tend to be when i'm not on stage or sleeping, life is essentially one long bendy bus of disappointment, and Death is the over bearing tinny essence of R&B that blasts painfully through our senses, blissfully unaware it is causing any trouble. Then the inspector gets on somewhere near the end, checks you over, quite unexpectedly and says "sorry son, your oyster card is fucked, end of the line mate, game over, piss off, you're on your own now".
The bus in question was quite busy, as they tend to be, a lot of people have lots of places they need to get to unfortunately not as urgently as I do, so they moan and they mingle and they get in the fucking way, like a dirty rain cloud obscuring the sun just to piss off the old couple who've decided to go away on holiday once again to the same place they go to every year, as they sit outside their caravan, look at each other and weep. I'm sat opposite a plain looking woman, plain in the sense that she has no distinguishing features, no anger, no happiness, no sadness, just a neutral stare that says "I'm on a fucking bus again, same as I am every day, I don't need emotions, i'm on a bus, nobody talk to me, nobody look at me, i'm just here, here on the bus".
Another woman gets on, and sits next to her, the two, quite uncomfortably sit, a small gap between them, as the plain woman gives a knowing look to the other, a look that says "do you mind? I was saving that seat for my ego". They both sit quietly, as the bus bumps and grinds along the road in a way that almost excites the lonely chav at the back of the bus, a mobile disco of the soul for him, a mobile chasm of shit for the rest.
The new woman who has joined us turns to the other woman, and says "Excuse me! You are sitting on my coat, can you move so I can sit properly" She glares at her. "What a cunt" we all think. The plain woman looks at her and rolls her eyes, an internal fight kicks off between them, "Just because your fat and can't judge distances, doesn't mean i'm in the wrong" thinks one, "You are younger and prettier than me, my life is shit and my daughter works in McDonalds, I hate the world, and you sitting on my coat confirms this" thinks the new woman. They both sit, staring straight ahead, their moods shift, their day ruined because of one little thing.
Part of me wanted to stand up and say, "excuse me, this woman may have no distinguishing features, but she has every right to get on a bus, and not have some fat woman complain about her seating position", but I didn't, I tutted in her general direction, and then disguised it as a cough, the thought was there, but I am constantly aware of Death at the back of the bus watching me. I keep quiet.
Friendship, a big, little thing, that keeps us going, perhaps the most important "little thing" we have...
Example 1: Tracey fucks your best friend, you feel shit, so Dave, your other friend (who works in accounts) takes you out to a strip club, it's free to get in, but they keep a small portion of your soul on the way out, oh and for twenty quid Janine upstairs will let you fuck her, you haven't got any condoms but you risk it because she has nice hair and AIDS died out in the 80s. Janine is pretty sure she's clean, because she showers everyday and only fucks guys who wear shirts, they both have a jolly good time, while Dave cracks one out and videos the whole affair to remind you what a good mate he's been and so that next time he crashes his car drink driving, you'll be there to bail him out yet again because you owe him one.
Example 2: Your name is Tracey, you've just fucked your boyfriends best friend, you feel terrible, so you call up Janine who works in Soho and says she's your best mate, when what she actually means is you'll happily lend her £20 if she needs it, so she's knows you are worth knowing, she'll say hello if she sees you in Primark and will often comment on how you "must go for that drink sometime". Alas she's busy tonight, but you should keep in touch as she's always thinking about you. You then call up Susan, Susan is your other best friend, well, the one who is always around, because she's mental and cuts herself but is ultimately reliable. She comes over to yours, has a good cry with you, you eat ice cream, of which Susan bought two tubs (not because she has feelings for you but because Iceland are doing a 2 for 1 deal, because the economy is fucked and everyone loves a jolly good tub of Ben and Jerry's "frozen hope" to get them through a financial crisis). You feel comforted, watch a film, have a cry, forget about the boyfriend, finger Susan, you're not a lesbian, you're just close, so it's fine, you laugh and laugh until Susan has an ashthma attack. You go with her to A+E because that's what friends do, you sit there looking at your watch, thinking I could be in bed now if I wasn't "bi-curious", a word which was invented by the media in 1997 so Channel 5 could be marketed as "educational".
Example 3 - The serious one.
Your name is Seren, you make friends with a London based comedian, who has the mind of a 65 year old man and the body of a 12 year old anorexic girl, you laugh at the reference because you read his first blog and have a keen eye for detail. You help him through his stupid mental issues despite the fact you have far too much going on in your own life to have enough time to look after someone you've just "virtually" met. You click together like two pieces of flint and create a spark, a spark which leads to great friendship, awkward flirting, comfort and happiness. The spark for which he is very grateful you created and to which he owes you a lot. You continue to be his source of happiness and inspiration and to which he hopes one day he can repay you.
I've realised through experiencing anxiety, stress, depression, worries, disappointment and feelings we all get, no matter how bad the big things are, the little things will always be there to make it better. Whether it's family, friends, sex, music, poetry, theatre, dance, Loose Women, Ginsters Spicy Chicken Slices, Mini Milks, Farting in bed or burping after drinking coke so it fizzes out your nose, enjoy them, embrace them and remember them, one day we won't have the future, but we'll always remember the past.
A busy, hectic few weeks, glad to be back on track, thanks for reading, it's now 3.15am and I need sleep.
Tip of the week: Do not stick your arm on a wire rack in an oven while it is heated at two hundred degrees, it hurts like fuck, and is the least glamorous of the burns (Who did that to you Grandad, were you in a fight? did you wrestle a bear? No dear, Goodfellas are fucktards and their pizzas are not easily removable from an oven, despite giving it a good go with a wooden spoon and a tea-towel. What's a fucktard Grandad? Go ask your Nan).
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Good night all x
You should listen to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw9wE1nutc4
You should see: Up 3D
You should see: Up 3D
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