Chapter 3

Hello


Welcome to my 3rd blog. I've just had a mini cheese and ham pizza and a Gu Chocolate Pot (seriously...try them, amazing) and i'm raring to go. Not entirely sure what I'm going to write about, so it may just be a stream of consciousness or semi-consciousness at least. Words are lovely, if only I possessed the intelligence and patience to put them in some sort of enjoyable order. You can decide, thanks for reading...


It's been a weird couple of weeks, as is my tradition. I'm currently looking for a new flat, trying to plan my 2010, have been battling with my mental health and have been gigging all over the place like some kind of clown whore. It's been fun and i've been getting back on my feet in terms of writing and performing which has made things a lot more enjoyable. I will be potentially doing 3 shows at The Edinburgh Festival in 2010, so I'm busy plotting away for those. Probably Free Fringe again, then a paid venue in 2011 is the plan, me and Tom Rosenthal should be doing something together as we did this year and we'll be doing stuff at Leicester Comedy Festival on the 12th and 13th February, so, if you're up that way please come.


I started very scruffy and initial work on a sitcom idea with an Australian writer last week, which should start taking shape from the new year. This all comes after my plan to take things easy and say "no" a bit more. I will do, I just haven't decided when, or to what things I shall say no to, so for now, yes yes yes please. Will keep you updated on that as it goes along. 


 I've amazingly put on some weight, having lost half a stone through stress and anxiety, I got down to 8 stone, technically I should have declared myself a child, gone back to school and started eating crayons again (do they have many calories I wonder?), but instead i've been pigging out on lots of calorific goods and gulping down protein milkshakes like Jodie Marsh at a  cum festival. It seems to have worked. I'm back up to 8 1/2 stone, just another stone to go, wish me luck.


 My flat is turning into an endurance test rather than the quaint little dwelling it should be, it's currently infested with about every form of pest from frequently multiplying mice to the dick-nosed spaz-twat of a housemate who resides in the room next door.  Someone actually had to put up a sign the other day saying "Don't piss in the bath, use the toilet", where else would that sign ever be necessary? I'm sure the Queen doesn't have a "Phillip stop shitting in the tumble dryer" notice, our house is genuinely failing on every level. There is currently a large spider hanging by one leg from the smoke alarm, I don't know how or why it is there, but I am just painfully aware that it is. I hate spiders, some may say hate is a strong word, and I say, yes, that is because I could not possibly have a larger fucking dislike for them. It's like a deleted scene from the worst series of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. "Spend 20 minutes in Mayo's flat, infested with bugs, mice, the potent smell of disappointment and some ferociously dull fuck-spack who calls himself "Stanley", he may talk to you, he may urinate on you, it's all part of the fun, good luck, maybe you could cry a bit, viewers like that"


Still there are some positives, I've become mildly obsessed with Florence and The Machine over the last couple of weeks, every trip to hospital or the doctors or stomping down the high road in the rain to get some noodles and Lucozade (oh yeah I know how to live motherfuckers), has been made bearable by their music which is so powerful and moving. I can't recommend them enough, such brilliant and emotive writing, anyone who needs a good lift should get the album "Lungs", amazing stuff. Oh and anyone who wants to take me to see them, I will most certainly jump at the chance. For those of you who don't know their stuff, here are two fine examples...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpLXQorSQe8&feature=related - Drumming Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1j07TL2Cxcg&feature=related - Rabbit Heart


It's great to find things that make you embrace life, whether it's good music, great people, or that episode of Jerry Springer where that freak married his horse. It's nice to be reminded of the positive things once in a while.


Speaking of which (the positive bit, not the horse bit), I am yet again grateful to my gorgeous friend Seren who absolutely deserves another mention in my blog for her continuing support and polite nagging. Love you miss. Can't quite express how hug-worthy she is. Suffice to say, a lovely lovely person.

Once you have wiped the sick from your mouths, we shall continue. All gone? Good. 


So it's nearly Christmas, as I'm sure most of you are aware. Something about living in Tottenham, makes you forget that the world is actually spinning quite fast and we are rapidly approaching another seasonal holiday. I've not been massively into Christmas for the last few years, yet I will still trundle down to Oxford Street, huff and puff in and out of the shops and buy lovely things for my parents on the little budget that I have, I'll look at the lights and feel festive, and cry a tear of joy if a see a little dog in a santa outfit (ssh, it's adorable). I'll be going back to jolly old Hampshire for 5 days, laughing at my Dad's bad jokes, enjoying my Mums cooking, and spending time with my Grandparents as they show their festive appreciation by sleeping at any available opportunity. It may be commercialised, expensive, repetitive and stressful, but it's nice to just get together once a year with the people you love and remind yourself what makes you feel safe and warm. Oh and chocolate, yeah, chocolates nice, and those little mince pies, they're like the big ones, but smaller, like really small. Mmm, nice. 


Anyway, whatever you are up to, have a lovely Christmas and New Year, spoil yourselves, have sex with people you will physically erase from your memory after the party, see friends, family, drink too much, eat too much, look forward to the embarassment of the slightly racist jokes your older relatives will inevitably tell and of course put stupid outfits on your pets, whatever makes you merry, it's Christmas, have a good one, Ho Ho Ho etc.


Bye for now.
See you in 2010 xx